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Post by XombieMike on Sept 5, 2016 19:35:42 GMT -6
Taking today to calm down, as my weekend was very upsetting for me. Had a breakdown yesterday. It's also hard to calm down as my cat may be dying, so this is quite a series of events... I dread the day when my cat goes, so I can only imagine how that could be for you right now. I'm sorry, man. *bro hug*
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Foffy
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Post by Foffy on Sept 6, 2016 23:53:37 GMT -6
Welp, she's dead now. I don't know what to think.
Part of me feels the usual sense of guilt of "oh, if I only knew X was the case" or "oh, if we only acted sooner" (she got a kidney infection from her period, which led to her body failing; we assumed it was a stomach bug) but one always acts in the moment based on their lens of perception: not a soul on earth has free will to act differently in any moment, so the guilt is largely unfounded. You cannot change the past because what you did was what you did based on the lens of the moment, so assuming otherwise is assuming too much of what's actually real in this universe. Furthermore, she had more energy until three hours ago where it became obvious she was critically ill.
However, there is a sense of peace I have, and maybe because of my understanding of reality. There's no soul, self, or ego ever added to a sentient being, so there's nothing added that can be taken away, but only emergence and dissipation. One can become aware of how forms such as cats or people dissolve to see how they continue as process, as waves in the ocean of reality, and it's there one can see the never ending twerkability to nature's innate intelligence. The question becomes not "where does she go when she dies" for this assumes the cat is a fixed entity, but "how does the process of the cat go upon death" for one sees the continuity and how in death, it will produce life. There is also peace in me for while she had energy, I let her do what she usually likes to do: jump on my bed, meow at me when I playfully get mad at her for doing that, letting her get under the covers and lay with me and nap. Knowing where I am now, 12 hours later and one cat dead, I see a sense of wisdom, of truly living for present reality, for it's one where one is eternally swimming in.
I'd like to conclude my rambling with a quote I find very apt at present.
“The day my mother died I wrote in my journal, "A serious misfortune of my life has arrived." I suffered for more than one year after the passing away of my mother. But one night, in the highlands of Vietnam, I was sleeping in the hut in my hermitage. I dreamed of my mother. I saw myself sitting with her, and we were having a wonderful talk. She looked young and beautiful, her hair flowing down. It was so pleasant to sit there and talk to her as if she had never died. When I woke up it was about two in the morning, and I felt very strongly that I had never lost my mother. The impression that my mother was still with me was very clear. I understood then that the idea of having lost my mother was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother is always alive in me.
I opened the door and went outside. The entire hillside was bathed in moonlight. It was a hill covered with tea plants, and my hut was set behind the temple halfway up. Walking slowly in the moonlight through the rows of tea plants, I noticed my mother was still with me. She was the moonlight caressing me as she had done so often, very tender, very sweet... wonderful! Each time my feet touched the earth I knew my mother was there with me. I knew this body was not mine but a living continuation of my mother and my father and my grandparents and great-grandparents. Of all my ancestors. Those feet that I saw as "my" feet were actually "our" feet. Together my mother and I were leaving footprints in the damp soil.
From that moment on, the idea that I had lost my mother no longer existed. All I had to do was look at the palm of my hand, feel the breeze on my face or the earth under my feet to remember that my mother is always with me, available at any time.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Post by Goobsausage on Sept 7, 2016 22:53:30 GMT -6
I'm sorry for your loss Foffy, and I'm also glad you've found a sense of peace. Dealing with death is... complicated.
Remember when I said I planned on taking a trip to San Antonio with some friends? That happened on Sunday.
Short version: Only one of my friends could make it, we went to the San-Japan anime con just for the Sentai Filmworks open auditions, and the trip back was actually kinda scary.
I also met a woman there, we hit it off, we've been texting each other ever since, and we're planning a date together! We are both excited about it! Hooray! Time to switch out #WillGoobEverFindTrueLove? with #HasGoobFoundTrueLove? in the shoutbox!
Long version:
My friend and I caught up with eachother and talked about the dumb things we did as teenagers as we drove down to San Antonio. I put on the NPR audio drama for Star Wars as background noise since we're both big Star Wars fans, and he was into the (old/pre-Disney) Legends expanded universe. He really enjoyed what he heard of it. We parked at a good parking spot I used during PAX South, but it got more expensive since then and I was not amused by that.
As for the one day saw of San-Japan, well... after not watching that much anime in the past 5 years, noticing there was barely any cosplay from the shows I liked when I was super into anime, not recognizing any of the guests, and being embarrassed by a lot of panels I saw on the schedule, I felt like I reached Grandpa Simpson "It'll happen to you!" territory, at age 27.
I found this especially true after trying to find a bathroom in a quiet hallway, only to hear a high-pitched voice scream "THIS WAY, HOMESTUCKS!" a nanosecond before getting Zerg rushed by a tidal wave of people who looked like they were between 5-14 years younger than me and covered in grey paint as they chanted, screamed, and waved a flag indoors. I completely understand why people despise Homestuck fans now.
Attendance felt half-full and at times, kinda barren. I thought there'd be more people attending on Sunday since it was Labor Day weekend.
I did not think the con utilized the center they were in well. The only way to get to the dealer's room was by going through both the registration area and artist's alley, kinda like how stores and casinos put their bathrooms at the back with the hopes that someone will buy something on the way there. Various routes/hallways that would've made traffic flow easily were locked off. Some escalators that were a really useful shortcut between the expo hall/dealer's room and ballrooms/panel areas during PAX South weren't active, and I had no idea why anyone would do that after seeing how well they worked then. It felt like I had to walk around half the building to get from the registration/artist's alley/dealer's room to the area with the ballrooms and panels.
In spite of that, I thought it was cool looking at all the merch in the dealer's room and booths in the artist's alley. My new ladyfriend and I met eachother at the Funimation booth as we were looking at blu-rays/DVDs for FLCL, Sgt Frog, and Panty and Stocking, didn't end up buying anything when we both realized all the anime for sale at the con was probably available on Amazon at a cheaper price, and things just kept rolling from there until I realized I auditions were about to begin.
As for the Sentai Filmworks voice acting auditions, everything about the experience went 100% like I thought it would. -People hovered around the ballroom for auditions before the official lineup time, and during that period my friend and I met a small group of pretty cool people with actual theater/acting experience and loved performing for the sake of it. -When auditions officially began, everyone lined up single file in a "snaking" formation instead of using stanchions or even placing duct tape on the ground, and as a result, a few people ended up getting bunched up together in groups or tried to cut in line. -Most of our time in line was spent talking with everyone else nearby in order to relax and doing vocal warmups. I noticed a lot of people were practicing by trying to do funny, exaggerated, or unique voices instead of using their actual speaking voice, which is one of the things I was told you're not supposed to do in professional voice acting. While I wept for the future of professionalism in voice acting, I also thought "hey, maybe our chances for getting picked are actually pretty good!" -By the time we reached near the end of the line, we were given two sheets of paper with two different lines to learn, "for fighters" and "for lovers" and we were expected to choose the one that suited our personality more. -When it was time for us to perform, we stated our name, which line we were performing, and delivered it two different ways. It was almost exactly like the type of things I did routinely in middle school and high school theater.
After that, I went back to the artist's alley and dealer's room and ended up visiting with some other friends I met at a concert and some other events I attended earlier this year (PAX South, SXSW, RTX), one friend which I found out was there when I met Yuji Naka at SXSW during March and completely missed seeing. It's all cool now.
Then the thing with the Homestuck fans I mentioned earlier happened.
Then 4pm rolled around, my friend and I felt like leaving, but decided to stay a bit longer when we encountered the woman I'm planning a date with and some of her friends. We talked for about 30 minutes and started making plans for our date before heading home.
Getting back was hectic.
As we left San Antonio, my friend and I saw two cars speeding past us at 80-90mph when were about to get on the highway. About 15 minutes later, we saw the bumper to one of those cars just lying in the middle of the road. 30 minutes after that, there were three wrecked cars on the left, right, and middle sides of the road, all in about the same area, but there was still enough space between them for cars to slow down and move. We stopped for gas and my car wouldn't start because of an issue with the battery, but someone was willing to help jump it, the rest of the drive back turned out fine, and I bought a new battery.
I wish every day could be an eventful adventure like that. But without the the car trouble, wrecks, and rowdy or awkward encounters with people.
Then the next day I caught up with the rest of the world and binge-watched Stranger Things. That was pretty cool.
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LeoLeWolferoux
Wielder of Emptiness
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Post by LeoLeWolferoux on Sept 12, 2016 16:34:04 GMT -6
My day was...meh. I was supposed to get a haircut, but the cutter was out with a migraine...so now I gots to wait till tomorrow. Poo. I think I might start Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia over. I never actually beat Dracula. He's one tough cookie on that one. >:0 AND I WOKE UP TO A FRICKIN' YELLOW JACKET CARRESSING MY KNUCKLE WITH ITS STINGER. Me. This would only happen to me. Then it had the nerve to stick around and stare at me with its goo-goo eyes. >:/ No Mr. Wasp. I'm not interested in being friends. ;-;
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Post by Goobsausage on Sept 14, 2016 16:13:24 GMT -6
My day was a mixed bag. I had the day off and decided listened to some podcasts as I waited for tickets to a local comedy show to go on sale. I was also not as productive as I wanted to be since my car unexpectedly had to go to a mechanic to get its brakes fixed. It was supposed to be done today, but it's taking longer than expected. Good thing I had the foresight to get a new pop filter for my mic a couple of days ago, because I'm going to be using it for something pretty soon. There's also the new season of South Park starting tonight, and I'm looking forward to that.
For those who wanted to know about the date I talked about in my last post: we went to a bunch of places in San Antonio that were free, got ramen for dinner at the same restaurant I went to during PAX (and I didn't get sick this time!), and talked about our hopes and dreams and insecurities and stuff like that. We both had a great time and want to see each other again!
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Post by LeoLeWolferoux on Sept 16, 2016 8:49:34 GMT -6
Today will be my last day at my cruddy job, and then Monday will be my first day as a REGISTERED NURSE'S ASSISTANT. Wish me luck, friends! :)
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LeoLeWolferoux
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Post by LeoLeWolferoux on Sept 21, 2016 22:26:38 GMT -6
So...I just started my nursing assistant job, and I just gotta say...that it is HELLA stressful. I mean, rude residents, timeframes, lack of employees, it's just been terrible for my psyche. I've heard that it's a very rewarding job, though it certainly seems to be a very mentally taxing job as well. :(
I'm kinda somebody who, well...I have really bad anxiety, and also really bad self-confidence. And when I'm thrust into a new environment, my anxiety kicks into high gear. I just hope that I can stick to this job. I really need the money. $13.53 minimum hourly wage for my current title is hella cash, and I gotta save up for my move outta my little town next spring/summer.
R.I.P. Leo wolf person.
So sorry if I've been kinda MIA lately, I've just been very emotionally taxed the past couple of days. I hope everyone is doing well!
:)
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Galamoth
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Post by Galamoth on Sept 22, 2016 17:40:35 GMT -6
This is absolutely infuriating. I was enjoying my day after work (half-day) today, binge-watching anime episodes, until I decided I wanted to finally pre-order Dishonored 2. ^What did I find out? There were more than a dozen fraudulent charges on my credit account, all for this month. I had to cancel that card and throw it in the trash earlier. SON OF A B**CH!!!! If I ever find the a$$-hat who stole my information, I'll make him/her wish they were never born.
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Post by Goobsausage on Sept 22, 2016 18:12:41 GMT -6
Wow, stuff like the last two posts make feel guilty for posting about the cool fun stuff I do. I hope everything gets worked out.
After work today, I went to the library to check out some Star Wars books and started reading them. I am getting re-familiar with the Heir to the Empire trilogy, which introduced Grand Admiral Thrawn, and also got my hands on the two books that are widely regarded to be the best of the new Disney Star Wars Expanded Universe, Lost Stars and Bloodline.
Libraries can be really cool, everyone. Take advantage of them. They may even have video games, anime, and manga, three things almost everyone on the forums enjoys!
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Galamoth
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Post by Galamoth on Sept 22, 2016 18:42:31 GMT -6
Wow, stuff like the last two posts make feel guilty for posting about the cool fun stuff I do. I hope everything gets worked out. After work today, I went to the library to check out some Star Wars books and started reading them. I am getting re-familiar with the Heir to the Empire trilogy, which introduced Grand Admiral Thrawn, and also got my hands on the two books that are widely regarded to be the best of the new Disney Star Wars Expanded Universe, Lost Stars and Bloodline. Libraries can be really cool, everyone. Take advantage of them. They may even have video games, anime, and manga, three things almost everyone on the forums enjoys! This makes me regret not going to the Wheaton Library in my area 2 months ago. I swear that it was still open then. Now it's closed down, probably for remodeling into something else. Good on you though, Goobsausage. I'm at least happy that you got to read some of the better Star Wars "Legends" books!
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XombieMike
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Post by XombieMike on Sept 23, 2016 3:43:39 GMT -6
This is absolutely infuriating. I was enjoying my day after work (half-day) today, binge-watching anime episodes, until I decided I wanted to finally pre-order Dishonored 2. ^What did I find out? There were more than a dozen fraudulent charges on my credit account, all for this month. I had to cancel that card and throw it in the trash earlier. SON OF A B**CH!!!! If I ever find the a$$-hat who stole my information, I'll make him/her wish they were never born. That sucks! I hope your bank can help.
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purifyweirdshard
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Post by purifyweirdshard on Sept 23, 2016 7:42:51 GMT -6
Hey Gala, that's happened to me a couple of times...the credit card company/bank has always been good about helping me out and refunding the charges. In the last case, it was somebody just a few towns away which was weird, buying stuff at Big Lots and Wal Mart. Kinda strange.
I hope you get it sorted out.
Hey Leo, yeah healthcare can be like that...I hope you can adjust. You do unfortunately have to develop a certain degree of toughness/thick skin as people out there can be rough to deal with, often quite unintentionally. So many people out there just aren't conscious of how they are acting may impact others, or are just stressed themselves to the point that they can't notice it. It's especially true of docs and patients as well, they can both be dealing with something difficult on either side of the care exchange or outside factors. If possible, it's always best to approach people and situations like it's usually never something you did/are doing that is the problem, but their mental state from an outside situation that has them acting that way. If you're doing what you're asked and being polite, low chance anything you've done is a problem.
Anxiety itself, yeah that can make it harder...but do remember too that everybody there is in it together, there is a struggle behind almost everyone. Strength and positivity feeds more of the same, and after a while of that the work environment can at least be pleasant enough, if even only on surface level, to make it through and have the patients see a caring environment they can rest more easy in.
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Post by LunaClefairy on Sept 23, 2016 14:02:07 GMT -6
This is absolutely infuriating. I was enjoying my day after work (half-day) today, binge-watching anime episodes, until I decided I wanted to finally pre-order Dishonored 2. ^What did I find out? There were more than a dozen fraudulent charges on my credit account, all for this month. I had to cancel that card and throw it in the trash earlier. SON OF A B**CH!!!! If I ever find the a$$-hat who stole my information, I'll make him/her wish they were never born. Oh no! Identity theft is never good! One time a couple years ago, someone in California somehow got my credit card info (even though I live in Michigan and went to college in Iowa) and tried to make a purchase from a 7-11. Luckily the credit card company informed me of the attempted purchase right away via email, and I had a new card in no time.
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Post by bloodstainedmiriam on Sept 23, 2016 20:13:07 GMT -6
My day was okay I suppose. I have a friend recommend I go to Comic Con dressed as a member of Team Skull. I applied for some jobs, looked for more Bloodstained related fan art and finished playing Recore.
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Post by LunaClefairy on Sept 23, 2016 21:24:36 GMT -6
The stupid was strong tonight at work. For a reason I cannot fathom, a customer parked directly in front of a cart corral. Then later, a customer no longer wanted a package of cupcakes because they were upside down. After they left, the cashier told me that the customer's husband put the cupcakes upside down on the conveyor belt.
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Post by Dengojin on Sept 25, 2016 21:17:25 GMT -6
I woke up few days ago with red dot on my eye, stupidly strong headache and dizziness, the headache is gone.. but I am still feeling too weak to do anything.
I went to this local mini tournament last night, I barely won.. my usual concentration wasn't there and I am always sleepy to do my daily Twitch streams :/ I hope that I will recover too soon
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Post by Goobsausage on Sept 25, 2016 23:10:37 GMT -6
Eventful day.
My sister's boyfriend proposed to her and she said yes!
Him, our families, and their friends threw a surprise party for her that was planned for two weeks!
My asshole uncle who only gets invited to family events because he's family showed up, started acting like a dick, I asked him to stop, he got mad at me because I asked him to stop, then my dad told him to fuck off and it felt like watching a non-Zack Snyder version of Superman punch Donald Trump in the dick, and then he left immediately!
It was great!
...And so was everything other than that on my sister's big day.
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LeoLeWolferoux
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Post by LeoLeWolferoux on Sept 26, 2016 0:12:39 GMT -6
Eventful day. My sister's boyfriend proposed to her and she said yes! Him, our families, and their friends threw a surprise party for her that was planned for two weeks! My asshole uncle who only gets invited to family events because he's family showed up, started acting like a dick, I asked him to stop, he got mad at me because I asked him to stop, then my dad told him to fuck off and it felt like watching a non-Zack Snyder version of Superman punch Donald Trump in the dick, and then he left immediately! It was great! ...And so was everything other than that on my sister's big day. That sucks. I had a pretty good uncle. ...until he went to prison. Hmmm. I wonder whatever happened to him...? Anyway, sorry to hear how he treated you! I woulda SMACKED THAT BITCH. Ahahaha
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Post by LunaClefairy on Sept 26, 2016 19:15:41 GMT -6
After MONTHS of applications I finally have an interview at an engineering firm! It's set for October 28. I'm a ball of nerves already, especially since one of the people interviewing me is the vice president of the company! But I also have a lot of time to prepare, and I plan to make full use of it. This could finally be my big break!
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Post by Scuttlest on Sept 26, 2016 19:34:50 GMT -6
I've no experience with someone stealing my credit card information, but I have had E-Mails notifying me that people several states over had broken into my Twitter or my Yahoo E-Mail. A few changed passwords seemed to end the trouble there.
Anyway, been sick with a cold the past four or so days. So lately I've just been staying home to I don't spread the cold germs around. Taking Nyquil regularly, and humoring some video game playing when I feel up to it.
I used to be the member of my family who got over any and all illnesses in a day at most. But in the past few years I apparently traded away my seemingly superhuman immune system in favor of being the guy who almost never gets sick. (Last time I came down with something might have been mid 2014.)
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